Couples Therapy
Couples therapy helps partners reconnect, communicate more effectively, and work through challenges together. Whether you're dealing with specific conflicts or simply want to strengthen your relationship, therapy provides a neutral space where both partners can be heard and understood.
Potential Benefits
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Improve communication and reduce destructive conflict patterns
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Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy
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Work through trust issues and repair relationship damage
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Learn to navigate differences in values, goals, or life stages
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Develop skills for handling future challenges together
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Strengthen your friendship and emotional connection
Most couples who come to therapy love each other but feel disconnected—like they're missing each other somehow. You might find yourselves having arguments that go nowhere, or feel like you're talking past each other despite your best efforts. Many couples think they need better communication skills, but what's often really needed is understanding the deeper fears and vulnerabilities that drive your reactions to each other.
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I take a structured, active approach in couples work. Each session loosely follows the EFT process—we'll identify your reactive cycle (the fight, flee, or criticism patterns), explore the primary emotions underneath (fear, hurt, longing), and help you express vulnerable feelings to your partner in new ways. We'll do "enactments" where you practice having difficult conversations with my guidance, learning to reach for each other instead of pushing away.
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This work unfolds in three stages: first we map your negative cycle and help you see how you both get trapped in it, then we access and share the deeper attachment feelings driving your reactions, and finally we consolidate new patterns of connection. The focus is always on attachment—how your early experiences of love and safety shape how you reach for each other now. Many couples are surprised to discover that their "personality conflicts" are actually old hurts around trust, safety, and being valued that can heal when addressed directly.
Common Questions
What if my partner doesn't want to come to therapy?
That's fairly common. I'm happy to meet with both partners individually for one or two sessions so there's space to talk about whatever concerns or misgivings either person may have. I find that reluctant partners, after a few sessions, often begin to see the value of couples therapy and come to appreciate the work.
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Will you take sides or tell us what to do?
No. I see the relationship itself as my client, not either individual partner. Together, we'll examine the dynamic that has developed—and maybe become entrenched—over time. We focus on changing the patterns between you rather than trying to fix either person individually.
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What if we're considering separation or divorce?
Couples therapy works best when both partners deep down really do want their relationship to work, even if they're frustrated or hurt. If you're genuinely unsure whether you want to stay together, there's a specific type of counseling called discernment counseling that helps couples decide whether to move forward with their relationship or separate. I can refer you to therapists who specialize in discernment counseling if that feels like a better fit for where you are right now.
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How long does couples therapy usually take?
This varies widely depending on your specific challenges and goals. Some couples see improvements in a few months, while others benefit from longer-term work. We'll assess progress regularly and adjust as needed.
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What if we've tried therapy before and it didn't work?
Every therapist has a different approach, and sometimes it takes finding the right fit. What didn't work before can give us valuable information about what might be more helpful this time. I've had the privilege of working with many couples who experienced real improvements in their relationships—partners who felt more connected, understood each other better, and were genuinely grateful for the deeper understanding they gained through our work together.
If you think couples therapy might be helpful for your relationship, schedule a consultation to see if working together feels right for both of you.